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Mismatched Sox: White Sox Knock Knocks!

by Ed Siebert

A note for those of you reading: Mismatched Sox is a weekly blog hastily thrown together by Sox in the Basement Co-Host Ed Siebert and is written to present you with White Sox and baseball thoughts in a manner that, frankly, thinks it is funny but will still keep Will Smith’s wife’s name outta its mouth. While there will be facts here that will be factual, the opinions and other nonsense are neither reflective of anyone at Soxon35th.com nor believed or intended to cause any harm, but consult a dermatologist and ask if this blog is right for you.

You can buy the pennant here: https://www.amazon.com/WinCraft-Chicago-White-Large-Pennant/dp/B01358Z120 but the rest can live in your head free.

So Spring Training is going on, and while the temptation is to analyze roster battles and discuss whether the Adam Haseley trade is a precursor to trading Craig Kimbrel for Juan Soto, there’s no need to because that is absurd and the fate of Danny Mendick is not all that important.

So instead of any of that, here’s a bunch of potentially terrible Sox-themed knock knock jokes.


KNOCK KNOCK

Tony LaRussa: Who’s there?

Knocker: A White Sox fan!

TLR: A White Sox fan who thinks what exactly about Michael Conforto?

Knocker: uhhh..he’d be a nice addi-

TLR (eyes closed, fingers in ears): there’s no fan there its not real its not real its not real its not real its not real its not real


KNOCK KNOCK

Who’s there?

Andrew B. Vaughn!

Andrew B. Vaughn who?

Andrew Be Vaughn for a few weeks on the IL but he’ll catch you when he gets back! Maybe…


KNOCK KNOCK

Who’s there?

Leury Garcia

Leury Garcia wh-

LG: I am here because I am always here. I have always been here and will be here forevermore. I am all that has been White Sox, and all that will be. The Legend…is forever.


KNOCK KNOCK

Who’s there?

Jake Burger

Jake Burger who?

Jake Burger who has a bunch of puns about his name! Like after that hat incident, I’m a Jake Burger who is medium well. Or, A Jake Burger who is done on that side and should be turned. Or, Jake Burger was cooked but at least his buns weren’t burnt. Is this too much cheese with this Jake Burger?

Yeah, also you’re a Jake Burger that is probably going to Charlotte for more seasoning.

You’re supposed to enjoy a Jake Burger, not kick it.


KNOCK KNOCK

Lucas Giolito: Who’s there?

Rick Hahn with a contract extension!

Lucas: No hablo Inglés.


KNOCK KNOCK

Rick Hahn: Who’s there?

Lucas Giolito! Funny story man, we’re only $50K apart in the arb-

Rick Hahn: Ich spreche kein Englisch*

*German for No hablo Inglés.


KNOCK KNOCK

Who’s there?

Will Smith

Wait..really? Why?

I’m just going to door to door making sure her name isn’t in your mouth. Get back to whatever you were doing.


KNOCK KNOCK

Tony LaRussa: Who’s there?

Adam Haseley. I’m the outfielder that was just traded here from the Phillies.

TLR: Did the fake fans send you?

AH: Ummm…what? There’s no fans here just me.

TLR: Real fans know that you aren’t needed here.

AH: But, like, Rick called me and said that I should report to you.

TLR: We have guys in camp that can handle it.

AH: I’m better than Blake Rutherford.

TLR: We all are, that checks out. Come in but don’t bring any fans with. The real ones will shun you for not having been in camp already.


KNOCK KNOCK

Who’s there?

Craig Kimbrel

Ok, but should you be there?

CK: I wasn’t expecting to be, but I am.

I guess come in.

CK: Ok but I’ll need help.

What?

CK: Opening doors isn’t an issue but since I’ve been here I really can’t shut the door on anyone.


KNOCK KNOCK

Yermin Mercedes: Who’s there?

Yer broken hand.

YM: My broken hand who?

Yer broken hand that is going to pretty much kill this season for you.

YM: Yermin I won’t be in Chicago anytime soon?

Yeah, and Tony sent this note.

YM: Tony! What do Yermin breaking my hand is also breaking an unwritten rule of baseball?


KNOCK KNOCK

Dallas Keuchel: Who’s there?

Five Earned Runs

DK: Who? What? The game hasn’t even started…

5 Earnies: Buddy, don’t act surprised. You know we came to a bunch of your starts last year. Shall we set up in the 3rd and 4th innings?


KNOCK KNOCK

Who’s there?

Michael Conforto!

Michael Conforto who?

I’ll only answer that if you give me over $100 million and forfeit a draft pick.

How many places have you tried this?

30…


KNOCK KNOCK

Who’s there?

Nick Madrigal!

REALLY YOU’RE BACK?

Nah it’s just me, Craig Kimbrel. And the five earned runs from Dallas’ joke. They follow me a lot too.

Leave and close the door behind you.

Kimbrel: I can’t.


KNOCK KNOCK

Who’s there?

Vince Velasquez

Why?

VV: Don’t you mean who?

No.


KNOCK KNOCK

Who’s there?

A World Series Victory

A World Series Victory who?

A World Series Victory who better be won this year or next year because after that key players are out of contract and some of them are in no way shape or form saying with the team because of their likely salary demands or age or both and with a weakened farm system and increasingly overpaid free agents the team will struggle to replace some of that talent if they can at all.


KNOCK KNOCK

Who’s there?

Daryl Boston.

Daryl Boston wh-

DB: I am here because I am always here. I have always been here and will be here forevermo-

I’m gonna stop you DB, Leury did that gag already.

Leury: And now I have seen my future incarnate and he is glorious!!

DB: And I have seen your outfield defense and it isn’t.


KNOCK KNOCK

Who’s there?

Miller Lite

Thanks but we-

MILLER LITE IS the one who knocks…


KNOCK KNOCK

Tony LaRussa: Who’s there?

You Know

TLR: You Know who?

You know who is supposed to be starting in RF? You presently have 16 guys standing on the field and the ump is getting pissed.

TLR: If the ump was a real fan he’d know they can handle it.


KNOCK KNOCK

Who’s there?

Yas

Yas who?

Bless you.


KNOCK KNOCK

Who’s there?

Boo.

Boo who?

These jokes were terrible but please don’t cry.


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Featured Image: Chris Robertson/MiLB.com

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