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Mismatched Sox: A Poem For The Holidays, 2021 Edition

by Ed Siebert

Or, an Alternative Title: A Question for St. Rick

With apologies to and a probable lawsuit from the estate of Clement Clarke Moore; though they didn’t sue last year

‘Twas a few nights before Christmas, at 35th and Shields

Rick Hahn was there idle, for no deals could he yield;

At the start of the offseason, the fans were sure of the moves,

With signings and trades to up the Sox’ groove;

The lockout stopped baseball, leaving Rick vexed,

Only minor league contracts on his emails and texts;

With mamma in her bathroom, and I on my phone,

We just settled our brains that this winter’s unknown;

Laying eyes upon Twitter where arose so much chatter,

I logged on from my bed to see if any would matter.

In waves to my screen the thoughts flew like a flash,

With proposals for trades and spending some cash.

Trade Kimbrel for Segura! The Phils need a closer!

Sign Michael Conforto, that Sheets is a poser!

When what to my wandering eyes did appear,

Even more talk of what the Sox will bring here.

To the rotation Ray’s arm, so lively and quick?

And who will replace that infielder Nick?

More rapid than eagles the suggestions they came,

Of signings and trades both feasible and lame:

“Now, Semien! trade, Kuechel! now sign Trevor Story!

For second get Ketel! Just not Cesar or Leury!

Shove Yoan to Second, He won’t suck at all!

Hey, spend away! spend away! or trade for them all!”

But then moves like a wild hurricane did fly,

But there were the White Sox, just standing by;

Semien signed quickly, as the transactions flew,

For top middle infielders, and starting pitchers too—

And then, in a twinkling, the CBA expired,

Sox fandom was mad, as of cheapness they tired.

But I drew in my head, and was kicking around,

‘Twas Rick Hahn just acting all fiscally sound?

The Sox still have some weakness but shored up the ‘pen,

And they still have some options…whither cash left to spend;

A couple guys that they have can start out in right,

Andrew Vaughn will get better, as Engel just might.

Their rotation—it still twinkled! Hey, Keuchel could rebound!

Is our fifth starter Kopech? Will his strikeouts abound?

Eh…in reality, the lineup could stand a new stud,

And hey, Dallas Keuchel could still be a dud;

So we again stump our GM to make a bold try,

For some smoke, some fire on a free agent guy;

To make a big trade (like last year’s round fellow)

And fill up the roster, like a bowl full of Jell-O.

Hahn can be smart and canny, a right decent GM,

But can he win with his bosses, or in spite of them?

A wink of his eye and a new CBA,

Could give me to know the Sox will make hay;

Hahn’s spoke not a word, after saying “we’ll be better”,

To fill the “White Stockings” he needs to throw cheddar;

And trade off some guys from the ’21 Palehose,

To get second basemen, right fielders, and all those;

So Rick, phone the agents and to GMs give a whistle,

And figure it out so the fandom won’t bristle.

Can we hear you exclaim, ere the season’s in sight—

“Here’s Conforto and Segura et. al., and to all a good night?”

Five Quick Takes from Sox in the Basement’s Interview with Liam Hendriks:

1. The guy has me convinced that Andrew Vaughn wants the right-field job based on Liam’s praise for Vaughn’s work ethic to become a starting outfielder last year. Maybe he has his sights set on 2B??

2. Ryan Burr was not the name anticipated to be dropped for “who are you excited about for next year” type questions, but Burr was kinda sneaky decent last year and has improved each year he’s been up.

3. Liam’s assertion that Aaron Bummer had the worst luck with cheap grounders last year could pessimistically be a sign that the team wasn’t set up right for when he pitches.

4. His description of Cubs fans might be the most insulting thing ever said about the Wrigley faithful, yet somehow not the meanest.

5. After hearing Liam Hendriks talk about charity…there’s a reasonable chance that Santa Claus is closer to the South Pole and is moonlighting as a two-time AL Reliever of the Year. Follow his advice, be generous, and…scream and fist pump after you donate?

Follow @SoxOn35th and @SoxInTheBasemnt for more White Sox updates!

Featured Photo: This chunk o’ festive book cover was drawn by Gaia Bordicchia and published by Usborne Books

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