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Mismatched Sox: 88 Lines About 44 Second Basemen

by Ed Siebert

With apologies to The Nails, for re-imagining their 1984 hit 88 Lines About 44 Women from their album “Topic”:

Ozzie Albies can’t be touched
He’s too important to the Braves
Yolbert Sanchez will play in Charlotte
After AZ fall league raves
Ketel Marte’s a desert stud
He’ll cost too much to acquire
Ketel’s teammate, one Josh Rojas
Doesn’t do much to inspire

Hmmmmmmmm….hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmmmmmmmmm

Hmmmmmmmm….hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmmmmmmmmm

Abraham Toro, for Seattle
He might have to move to third
Mike The Moose in Cincinnati
His last two years have been a turd
Romy G remains a prospect
His Sox debut, it was a flop
Jed Lowrie’s barely in the field
His long career’s about to stop

Hmmmmmmmm….hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmmmmmmmmm

Hmmmmmmmm….hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmmmmmmmmm

LeMahieu was an archetype
The Yankees use him everywhere
Jake Cronenworth, the Padre’s man
Too bad he’s not coming here
Jose Altuve was caught cheating
Now only Houston cheers him on
Robbie Cano also cheated
Take a pass on him, Rick Hahn

Hmmmmmmmm….hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmmmmmmmmm

Hmmmmmmmm….hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmmmmmmmmm

Seattle has Mr. Adam Frazier
Before the lockout he arrived
The Red Sox have Christian Arroyo
He’s a guy who’s never thrived
Jean Segura is presumed the target
Of a Kimbrel to the Phillies trade
Nick Madrigal, who was a White Sox
In hindsight maybe should have stayed

Hmmmmmmmm….hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmmmmmmmmm

Hmmmmmmmm….hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmmmmmmmmm

Donovan Solano, “Donny Barrels”
Two good half seasons he has had
The Rangers just replaced Nick Solak
Whose second half was really bad
Brandon Lowe, a Tampa Ray
From whom he maybe can’t be pried
Cavan Biggio is fading
His star and playing time have died

Hmmmmmmmm….hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmmmmmmmmm

Hmmmmmmmm….hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmmmmmmmmm

David Fletcher, what an Angel
His halo would look good in black
Jeff McNeil’s much the same
Both guys’ power is “warning track”
Michael Chavis and other Pirates
Could all be working at the mall
Leury Legend every day?
Sox shouldn’t do that s*%! at all

Uh-uh, not Leury. Not everyday.

Boston maybe turns to Kiké
To lead it off and stir the pot
Gavin Lux remains a Dodger
Their long-term plan for that spot
David Bote’s still a Cubbie
A banged-up backup on the club
Josh Harrison’s an aging option
His career’s close to the nub

Hmmmmmmmm….hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmmmmmmmmm

Hmmmmmmmm….hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmmmmmmmmm

Jazz Chisholm jazzes up the Marlins
They want 2-B to be his home
Isan Diaz was that guy
But his bat might be made of foam
Kolton Wong is a Brewer
Fronting backups who kinda blow
Rougned Odor’s an Oriole
So his career is dead you know

Hmmmmmmmm….hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmmmmmmmmm

Hmmmmmmmm….hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmm hmmmmmmmmmm

Tommy LaStella has Giant pains
He can’t keep his butt on the field
Andrés Giménez, a Guardian
What trading Frank Lindor did yield
Tony Kemp, starting Athletic
But mainly part-time he has played
Cesar Hernandez went to DC
And White Sox fans? Not dismayed

Tommy Edman of the Cards
Unlikely that he’d be a Sox
Brendan Rogers, young at Coors
A long-term hope there for the Rox
Luis Arraez, whom the Twins
Hope his bad knees won’t take the piss
Chris Taylor is still the Dodgers’ style
‘Cause their QO was made for this

India is found in Cincy
He’s established as everyday
Nicky Lopez as a Royal
Moved his pal Whit out the way
For Marcus Semien to choose the Rangers
He must be just a nihilist
Danny Mendick, regrow your mustache
I chose you to end this list

88 lines about 44 second basemen.


Featured Photo: Unknown – Copyright RCA Records

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