For anyone who has ever attended summer school, it’s not really all that great. While your friends are going to the pool and having fun, you’re sitting in a hot, stuffy, and crowded room. You are angry that you are there, thinking, “If I only did more during the school year, I could be living my best life right now.”
With the 2022 White Sox under .500 and performing well below expectations this season, it looks like some members of the current team could use some summer school classes to get things right. Since laughter is usually the best way to get through the pain of some subpar White Sox games, here is a satirical take on who would be in the White Sox Summer School Class of 2022.
The Teacher’s Aide – Tony La Russa
Having nothing better to do, the aide is there to just cash those checks and add to the resume. You might do two days’ worth of work before they roll out the tv and just play movies that have nothing to do with why you are there. They bring in pizza to try to make friends with the students, but they’re the bad kids that don’t listen, anyway.
The Students
Rick Hahn: The one kid who is surprised to be there. He thought he did just enough to get to the next grade but found out on the last day of the school year that he failed. A huge miscalculation on his part, as he now gets to suffer along with everyone else in the class. He’s not a huge fan of the teacher’s aide but just has to sit there and deal with it.
Yasmani Grandal: Kept quiet all school year, just kept plugging along, but still failed. He had tutors and did the extra credit work, but he still couldn’t find his groove. He is back in summer school for the second year in a row. He did come out of his malaise last year, and the teachers thought he would be just fine – but finds himself back here again. If he is not careful, he may get held back.
Yoan Moncada: The kid that missed most of the year. He kept getting sent home for some odd reason. He would show up for a day or two, then be sent back home. Where other kids in the class would rest up so it was only a one-time problem, his folks kept sending him back to class with nothing changing. As he continues to fall behind, it will be a struggle for him to catch up on a year’s worth of work and get back in a groove.
Leury Garcia: Two Words – Super Senior
Josh Harrison: The transfer. Oakland is way behind the Chicago curriculum. Another candidate to be held back – though, he is starting to show signs of figuring it all out.
Gavin Sheets: Got into too many fights defending himself. He kept getting picked on and singled out. He started to not pay attention and took his eye off his goal. Will need to show he has the discipline to make it to the next grade – and in recent days, he’s shown how good he can be once he pays attention.
Dallas Keuchel: Was supposed to be in summer school, but moved away before class started. He is trying again in another state. I think I heard Arizona?
Jose Ruiz, Aaron Bummer, Lucas Giolito, Liam Hendriks, Joe Kelly: The troublemakers. This group of guys was suspended from school for stealing meatballs out of the cafeteria and throwing them at anybody that walked by. They have a lot of ground to make up for what they’ve done this year.
Upon reviewing the roll call, we have two students who are missing from our class. Eloy Jimenez’s absence was excused, and he’s slowly making his return. The same goes for Garrett Crochet – however, if they aren’t careful, they might be back here next summer with all their friends!
Is there anyone that I’m missing from roll call?
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Featured Image: Matt Marton-USA TODAY Sports